Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
