just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
