I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Randomize
