I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
