I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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