Having a random hookup so left but love u
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
not ubering you a puppy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
