Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
