he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
