if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
