turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
