there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
