I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
