And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
