It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
