did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
