just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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