Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
