Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
