2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
