I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
