Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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