I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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