And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
