Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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