It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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