I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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