Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
