i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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