Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
