I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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