we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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