I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
