You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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