I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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