Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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