I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
