using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
