it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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