Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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