The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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