Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
