Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
