He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
