Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
