friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
