Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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