Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
