hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
