Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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