Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
