it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
